| SHOWTIME'S THE OUTER LIMITS
: | FLOWER CHILD
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| | | Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 3 May 2003
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- Violet - Alien creature that exhibits both animal and vegetable characteristics. She enjoys hot tubbing, showers, soaking up the sun, and hoarding sperm.
- Chris - Jeremy London! He tries to be faithful to his fiancee, Mia. Unfortunately, infidelity is a dish best served steaming hot.
- Mia - A promising medical examiner with a tiny jealous streak.
- Allen - "I am such a bachelor stud. They should make a show about me." Eaten (or something).
- Silvano - Superintendent of the apartment, but the wrong blood type for Violet's needs. Chopped into pieces.
- Tom - His pickup lines are sad. What a putz.
- Mary - Older woman who loved gardening. However, she was never any good at her hobby. Turned into fertilizer.
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A meteorite falls into the heart of San Francisco. It is not filled with an all-consuming protoplasm. Instead, the visitor from the stars buries itself in the dark soil of Mary's garden. A strange plant quickly sprouts from the space seed. Mary instantly realizes that the visitor is nothing she planted. Perhaps it is a refugee from another city garden? She transplants it into a pot to take inside. There, in her modest kitchen, Mary puzzles over the extraterrestrial orchid. Her investigation is brought up short when the plant pricks her finger, injecting a paralyzing toxin. The last we see of Mary, roots are covering her body as another female shape takes form out of the seething mass.
Meanwhile, Chris and Mia are moving into their new apartment. Tom is helping the two lovebirds; apparently so he can needle his male friend about getting tied down. Their debate is cut short by the smell emanating from Mary's (now Violet's) apartment. The script does not attempt to describe the fragrance, but I instantly imagined the smell of honeysuckle blooming in the early morning.
Not long after moving in, Chris meets Violet in the hallway; the woman is both attractive and freaky. Part of the problem is that she has learned English from watching television. The resulting TVese dialect is difficult to understand. Holding a conversation with Violet would drive most men insane (as if we are really interested in talking anyway).
The episode progresses along some of the same lines as "Species." For example: Silvano is butchered after Violet scratches his neck and, upon tasting her finger, finds him to be unusable. While it is laudable that the writer likes b-movies, I am not certain if the film in question should be the first choice for ideas.
Violet continues coming on strong (including scratching and tasting him) whenever she sees Chris. The amorous plant somehow manages to parade around in a stunning variety of sexy attire. Where did all the silk and short shorts come from? And do not say, "Mary." I refuse to consider the ramifications.
The mounting tension between Mia and Chris is largely created by Violet's advances, but Tom's obvious interest in Mia is another contributor. There is little wonder that Chris is upset when he finds out the two are attending a convention in Dallas. The outcome is that Tom tells Mia about his feelings and she politely declines to bounce the horizontal mambo. Chris does not do so well. Struck by a car, he lets Violet disinfect the scraps. She pounces on him.
Mia returns and all heck breaks loose. The leading man is full of guilt and covered with bizarre scratches, the female medical examiner is extremely pissed off, and we also have one inseminated vegetable creature from outer space (though she is lovely). Things look bad for the home team.
The real bitch here is that, despite Violet's special powers of seduction (her looks, blood agents, psychological approach, and hypnotizing perfume), women still blame the guy for spawning a race that might replace humans as the dominant species on Earth. All I have to say is, if my wife finds me banging the petals off an alien plant monster, in a room filled with honeysuckle, the lawyers might well resort to fisticuffs in order to resolve the divorce.
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| Things I Learned From This Show: | |
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- Cats hate plants and vice versa.
- Shag carpet is very romantic.
- Y chromosomes are also known as relationship inhibitors.
- If you are going to cheat on your fiancee, do it with a girl who has dull fingernails.
- "Covet not thy neighbor's nymphomaniac shrub."
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- 1 min - And not one UFO conspiracy nut around to witness the landing. Ain't that a bitch?
- 14 mins - Is it kosher for him to be eating in there?
- 25 mins - Ah, she bribed him with fish.
- 34 mins - Take a couple of B vitamin supplements; you need them. Neosporin would be another good choice at the drugstore.
- 40 mins - Get some lighter fluid and a match. NOW!
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| | Audio clips in wav format | SOUNDS | Starving actors speak out | |
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| File | Dialog |  | flowerchild1.wav
| Narrator: "Has humankind risen to the top of the evolutionary ladder because of its monogamous nature - or in spite of it?"
| | flowerchild2.wav
| Chris: "You've never been with one person long enough to have a domestic spat."
Allen: "Are you suggesting that I can't remain faithful to one woman?"
Chris: "Bingo!"
| | flowerchild3.wav
| Violet "seduces" Chris.
| | flowerchild4.wav
| Mia: "Whatever this stuff is, it didn't come from Chris."
Tom: "Then where did it come from?"
Mia: "Violet."
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| | Click for a larger image | IMAGES | Scenes from the movie | |
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| | Watch a scene | VIDEO | MPEG video files | |
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 | flowerchild1.mpg
- 2.2m
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Silvano surprises Violet while she is taking a shower; the blooming romance is short-lived (she stabs him in the belly with her talons).
Not to get sidetracked, but who else guessed that a plant monster would like showers?
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| | Leave a comment | EXTRAS | Buy the movie | |
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