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| DUNGEONS & DRAGONS
: | THE HALL OF BONES
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Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 14 May 2008
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The young adventurers start their day under attack by winged monkeys. As flying simians go, the creatures are some of the worst. They do not just hop around and gleefully chase after whoever their evil master (or mistress) indicates is overdue for a flying monkey encounter. These things are out to hurt somebody. The kids are in trouble, because their magical weapons are not working correctly. Fortunately, the adventurers find a way to escape the monsters.
It does not take long for Dungeon Master to drop in for a visit. He confirms that the magic items are losing their power. To recharge their weapons, the kids need to visit the Hall of Bones. Tramping around the Realm of Dungeons & Dragons (Greyhawk, perhaps) without magic weapons is a surefire way to get et. The kids immediately start looking for a guide who can take them there.
Their quest to find a guide gets the adventurers into some trouble with Vengar and Lolth, demon queen of spiders. Apparently, she lives in the sewers underneath a city, not in the Abyss. Caught in the spider queen's web, the kids are helpless to prevent Vengar from taking their magical (but not working so well) weapons. The evil arch-nemesis leaves the children to be devoured by Lolth. Of course, they manage to get free of the web. Lolth is defeated, for all intents and purposes, by Uni.
Are you kidding me? The supreme goddess of the drow was taken out by an annoying baby unicorn? I still remember when Gary's character managed to land the killing blow on Lolth at the end of that long adventure (yes, starting from G1 Steading of the Hill Giant Chief). Gary's D20 rolled no less than three 20's in a row to finish off the evil goddess. If we had known that taking along a baby unicorn would automatically defeat Lolth, we could have saved a lot of sweat, blood (well, on paper), and consumable magic items. Plus, after Lolth was dead, we could have roasted and eaten the annoying little bleater.
I've never liked Uni. Why do you ask?
Vengar tries to use the weapons against Tiamat and discovers that the batteries are low at an inopportune moment. He tosses the useless artifacts aside and runs away. The kids recover their weapons and, assisted by a convenient halfling guide that pops out of nowhere, continue their quest to reach the Hall of Bones.
Be warned: there is a lot of rock climbing in this episode. Not so much as in "Lost Continent," but episodes of the D&D cartoon are only twenty-five minutes long. I think that the characters in "Lost Continent" spent half an hour rock climbing.
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| Things I Learned From This Show: | |
|  | Medieval humor could be hazardous to your health.
| | | Never go into a tavern unless you want to get into a bar fight.
| | | Before they receive their certification, halfling guides must pass a written exam. At least 30% of the questions will be "Where is X located?" where "X" is a likely destination for lost adventurers. "The Tomb of Horrors," "The Hall of Bones," and "Saltmarsh" are just a few of the possible destinations.
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| | | 2 mins - Now you are just another blond-haired kid with freckles and a leather barbarian outfit. You wouldn't last ten minutes in Sing Sing.
| | | 12 mins - Ladies and gentleman: this is the world's ugliest iguana.
| | | 20 mins - It is nice to see that the architect who designed Castle Grayskull had no problem finding more work.
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