DRUNKEN WU TANG
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| Not Rated
| | Copyright 1997 Hong Kong Connection. (I believe the film was made in the early 80's.)
| | Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
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- (Work with me here, there were NO credits)
- Cha Le and Jun - Virgin boy who is becoming a monk, she is the girlfriend who won't give it up.
- Old Devil - Powerful evil spirit, he has this cannonball which spits out mini cannonballs. Rat Face and Cha Le finally defeat him.
- Rat Face - Alcoholic with a face like some rodent, he uses very powerful Kung Fu though.
- Granny - Cha Le's grandmother, she is a powerful martial arts witch. I think the actor was a man. Killed by Princess.
- The Watermelon Monster - This thing is a riot! It's a giant toothed cannonball!
- Princess - Cult leader, very pretty and her sash is deadly. Ends up enslaved to Old Devil and killed by Cha Le.
- Fat Chick and Shining Knight - Princess' cultists, Fat Chick has this weird "antenna" hair style.
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| I was entirely unprepared for this movie, it is a confusing but hilarious roller coaster of Kung Fu mayhem! Words can hardly describe the number of crazy kicks, punches, and special weapons you are treated to. And now for the equally absurd plot. Rat Face is tasked with finding a virgin male born on the 15th of August to perform a temple ritual. Cha Le (a virgin born on the 15th of August) is learning the art of being a martial arts using witch from his manly grandmother. He must retrieve the "secret document" from a hidden room, reaching it involves many dangers, and The Watermelon Monster guards the script. Princess and her cult often collect money from people, they can be very violent about not contributing. Old Devil wants the "secret document" to gain more power or something. The situation comes to a head at the temple ceremony where Rat Face and Cha Le must battle Old Devil. Confused? Watching it won't help - but you will be laughing and asking, "What just happened?" over and over (keep the remote handy for rewind). Never in my life have I seen so many people being pulled or suspended by wires, or stuffed dummies being thrown against walls, etc... ...and The Watermelon Monster, who in the heck thought this thing up? You really have to see this movie my friends, even if you don't like fu flicks. |
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| Things I Learned From This Movie: | |
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- Kung Fu defies all laws of physics, Einstein knew E=whatever the Shaolin monks decide.
- Paper is a terrific insulator against fire.
- Fat women fight by spinning or falling on you.
- Asian girls say, "I want to cuddle." instead of, "Hump my brains out." but the result is the same.
- Ladies: don't have sex in your deceased husband's tomb with the new boyfriend.
- Getting a wine gourd jammed up your ass hurts.
- Wearing a penis suit does not increase your fighting prowess and is likely to result in bodily harm.
- Kung Fu requires ventriloquism.
- People need their teeth in the afterlife.
- Alcoholics never make it as wine tasters.
- The Devil is susceptible to being smacked with 4X4's. (As in a piece of wood.)
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- 5 mins - What is this? Some strange wicker bumper car being driven by a drunken rat man?
- 9 mins - I think granny is a man BABY!
- 13 mins - What in the world is that thing? (The Watermelon Monster.)
- 15 mins - He painted hairs on his what? Nevermind...
- 21 mins - That corpse just slapped the guy's behind!
- 25 mins - That's a darn big sword.
- 43 mins - We get the idea, she's communing with the dead, get on with it.
- 54 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A CHICKEN!
- 76 mins - They sure like to suspend the actors on wires in this movie.
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| | Audio clips in wav format | SOUNDS | Starving actors speak out | |
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| File | Dialog |  | dwutang1.wav
| Cha Le: "Wow! The Watermelon Monster!"
| | dwutang2.wav
| The Watermelon Monster's annoying screeching. (Imagine this going on for 2 minutes.)
| | dwutang3.wav
| Princess: "Who are you?"
Old Devil: "I'm the Devil!"
| | dwutang4.wav
| Old Devil: "Give me the book or I'll kill you all."
Monk: "Don't threaten us and get off our roof!"
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| | Click for a larger image | IMAGES | Scenes from the movie | |
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| | Watch a scene | VIDEO | MPEG video files | |
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 | dwutang1.mpg
- 2.7m
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| The Watermelon Monster! There is so little I can say to accurately describe this creature, let alone this scene.
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| | Leave a comment | EXTRAS | Buy the movie | |
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