C.H.U.D.
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| Rated R
| | Copyright 1984 New World Pictures.
| | Reviewed by Andrew Borntreger on 'a long time ago'
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- George Cooper - Photographer who has been doing work involving bums.
- Lauren - George's girlfriend, she has a pimple on her butt.
- Capt Bosch - Policeman, his wife is the first we see munched. We never see him drinking. (Cops always drink in bad movies remember?)
- Reverend - Daniel Stern! Guy who runs a soup kitchen, he has some cool hair.
- Murphy - Freelance reporter out to get a story, the only thing he does get is munched.
- Wilson - Corrupt director for the Nuclear Regulatory Commission, Reverend shoots him.
- C.H.U.D. - Bums who have been mutated by toxic waste into Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers.
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| Always suspected there was something funny about New York City and this film proves it. Capt Bosch is being forced by the police commissioner and others to cover up disappearences while the situation grows worse. Between the information Reverend, George, and Murphy gather the plot does thicken, into what I have no idea but it does thicken. We don't get to see the monsters very often which is pretty annoying, we didn't even get to see the diner attack, only the results. I do applaud this film for killing off the reporter though, if they had done in the photographer I might worship it. Ever wonder why the heavily armed and trained police never make it through but a chunky reporter does? (Me too.) The plot muddles around for a long time on Reverend and George running from C.H.U.D. in the sewers before wrapping up with a natural gas explosion. But it doesn't end there, we get to see John Goodman as a cop when C.H.U.D. attack a diner - and the movie ends! Though watching the monsters eat him would have made the film ten minutes longer, not a little man. |
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| Things I Learned From This Movie: | |
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- Stay way clear of manhole covers.
- Women are much less attractive when they are talking about a pimple on their ass.
- Girls - Never turn turn your head abruptly when someone is applying lipstick to you.
- When you know the sewer is being flooded with natural gas don't go down there. Darwin didn't figure on New Yorkers...
- There is nuclear waste buried under New York City.
- The New York City Police Department has flamethrowers.
- When investigating a sewer for monsters make sure you have a good flashlight.
- Screaming out your window for help in New York City is likely to bring more insults than succor.
- Cops leave their cars unlocked with keys in the ignition.
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- 3 mins - Yes lovely, we get to watch a street sweeper for two minutes straight... ...oh, oh wait! Suck up the pigeon! Hit the gas and get the pigeon! Please, oh please... (it flew away) ...stupid bird.
- 30 mins - Some strange roaring going on in the sewers and you fools aren't running.
- 42 mins - Yeah, what does C.H.U.D. stand for?
- 43 mins - That guy just ate Reverend's quarter! He took it out of the pay phone and ate it! Wait, that's really not very threatening.
- 54 mins - So this guy was just carrying around a padlock?
- 60 mins - Now why is this woman going to open the sewer entrance in her basement? Just one of those, "I wonder what treasures are down here..." things?
- 62 mins - SHOWER SCENE! Pan down! Pan down! Pan down you Communists!
- 66 mins - Why did the neck elongate?
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| | Audio clips in wav format | SOUNDS | Starving actors speak out | |
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| File | Dialog |  | chud1.wav
| A C.H.U.D. roaring.
| | chud2.wav
| Policeman: "She says some monster came out of the sewer and ate her grandfather."
| | chud3.wav
| Murphy: "You figure it out! You may not know it but there's NRC men crawling all over this God damned city. Something's gone wrong and it's so bad nobody wants to talk about it. The cops are going nuts trying to figure out why a bag lady wants a handgun!"
| | chud4.wav
| Wilson: "Two gas company guys just found it, a Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller, a C.H.U.D."
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| | Click for a larger image | IMAGES | Scenes from the movie | |
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| | Watch a scene | VIDEO | MPEG video files | |
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 | chud1.mpg
- 2.3m
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I've been trying to figure out what environmental advantage having a long neck would be in New York City, especially when women are armed with swords...
C.H.U.D., we hardly knew thee.
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| | Leave a comment | EXTRAS | Buy the movie | |
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