B-MOVIE REVIEWS
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Where else can you watch a mascara-wearing David Hasselhoff fight stop motion robots with a lightsaber?
- Starcrash
The Ymir eats sulfur and is docile unless poked. It only wants to be left alone, but people and dogs insist on doing the one thing that annoys a Ymir. That is right; they poke it.
- 20 Million Miles to Earth
Forget chiken, those cows should be terrified of rabbetz
- Night of the Lepus
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| THE LETTER B |
| MOVIE NAME | RATING | SYNOPSIS | | Babes in Toyland
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| Drew Barrymore and Keanu Reeves must save Toyland from evil Christmas Trees.
| | Bad Channels
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| Fungus aliens take over a radio station to collect women.
| | Bad Girls Go to Hell
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| But the stupid ones go to New York, apparently.
| | Bad Taste
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| Vomit eating aliens invade Earth seeking to turn humans into intergalactic fast food.
| | Barbarella: Queen of the Galaxy
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| Jane Fonda encounters an Angel, a lava lamp monster, and Duran Duran in the year 40,000.
| | Barn of the Blood Llama
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| Crazed llamas which spit toxic cud and hate menstruating women.
| | Bats
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| Bats, created by our government to be the ultimate weapon, get loose and chew up Texas.
| | Battle Beneath the Earth
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| The Chinese are tunneling under America's defenses to plant atomic bombs under our cities.
| | Battle Beyond the Stars
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| John Boy must fight off an evil warlord to save his planet. Luckily he has seven samu...ah, some aliens helping him.
| | Battle Queen 2020
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| Julie Strain fights for control of the last snowmobiles on Earth.
| | Beast from Haunted Cave
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| A spider monster lurks in the wintry woods.
| | The Beast of Yucca Flats
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| Tor Johnson becomes a killing monster in the name of progress.
| | The Beastmaster
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| Dar was born from a cow (long story) and is able to speak with animals.
| | Beginning of the End
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| Giant grasshoppers threaten Chicago!
| | The Being
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| Idaho's one and only monster movie.
| | Beneath the Planet of the Apes
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| Mutants under NYC worship "The One True Bomb."
| | Beowulf
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| Same as the legend, but with techno music, chainsaw swords, and martial arts.
| | Big Bad Mama
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| "Bonny and Clyde" with a naked William Shatner thrown in, yech.
| | Big Meat Eater
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| I have seen cub scout troops with bigger budgets.
| | Bigfoot (1970)
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| I'd rather spend ninety minutes looking at the poster than actually watching the movie.
| | Billy Jack
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| Caring and productive people (the hippies) are beset by evil white men, but their defender is a legendary figure clad in denim.
| | Black Magic
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| Booty-flavored rice ball...of death!
| | The Black Scorpion
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| That is a big darn scorpion.
| | Black Shampoo
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| Jonathan brings a new meaning to the phrase "cream rinse."
| | Blades
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| A golf course is terrorized by a killer lawnmower in this low budget parody of "Jaws."
| | Bleeders
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| Nothing like a scene where the main character eats a pickled baby.
| | The Blind Dead
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| They thirst for the warm blood of the living, and hunt victims by following their terrified screams.
| | The Blob (1958)
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| A true classic of the genre. Watch as Steve McQueen fights a hungry horror from outer space!
| | The Blob (1988)
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| The Blob returns to dine once again on tasty human snacks.
| | Blood Freak
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| Nothing says, "Happy Thanksgiving!" like a turkey-headed man killing drug users and drinking their blood to satisfy his own addiction.
| | The Blood of Heroes
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| Brutal "after the apocalypse" sports film.
| | Blood Hook
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| Fishing for people is a perfect way to pass the afternoon.
| | Bloodsucking Freaks
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| A sadist master trains female slaves.
| | Bloody Bender
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| Independent film about a crazy killer.
| | Blue Demon
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| Scientists create FORTRAN sharks.
| | Body Melt
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| New vitamins which cause people to melt and explode plague Australia.
| | A Boy and His Dog
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| Don Johnson wanders around after the apocalypse with a telepathic dog.
| | The Brain
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| A hideous brain creature takes over people's minds through TV.
| | The Brain from Planet Arous
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| John Agar is taken over by a huge and sexually deviant space brain!
| | The Brain That Wouldn't Die
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| A scientist shops around for a new body for his girlfriend (who is a head in a pan).
| | Brain Damage
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| Brain eating parasite which also injects people with hallucinogenic drugs.
| | Breakin'
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| A trio of street dancers turn the world of rhythm upside down (probably spinning on its head).
| | Brides of Blood
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| A radioactive monster makes love to women so hard that they fall apart.
| | Buck Rogers
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| Buck Rogers awakes to a world in need of a womanizing hero.
| | The Buddhist Fist
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| Buddha spent a lot of time practicing kung fu.
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| THE LETTER C |
| MOVIE NAME | RATING | SYNOPSIS | | Candy
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| Flee, flee for your lives!
| | Cane Toads
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| Probably the most twisted documentary ever made.
| | Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death
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| Savage feminists eat men with gaucamolle dip.
| | The Car
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| Lucifer's vehicle is terrorizing the residents of Southern California, all forty of them.
| | Carnosaur
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| Genetic scientist creates chicken eggs that infect women, causing them to become pregnant with dinosaurs.
| | The Cars that Ate Paris
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| An Australian town runs people off the road to profit from the wrecked cars.
| | Cat-Women of the Moon
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| Earth's satellite is inhabited by frisky females wearing black leotards!
| | The Cave of the Silken Web
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| If Bollywood ever made a "Dragon Ball" movie...
| | Cavegirl
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| A nerd travels back in time and meets a beautiful cavegirl.
| | Cemetery Man
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| Francesco must stop the zombies which infest his graveyard.
| | The Champions of Justice
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| Blue Demon and his friends must stop Black Hand's army of super midgets. SUPER MIDGETS!
| | Cherry 2000
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| Your synthetic female love slave might not be the real thing, but it's a darn good facsimile.
| | The Children
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| They have been turned into monsters by a radioactive cloud!
| | Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things
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| A group of thespians (not the cooler "L" word mind you) become zombie chow.
| | Chosen Survivors
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| "Yay, we're going to survive the nuclear war! Gah! BATS!"
| | C.H.U.D.
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| Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers consume New Yorkers.
| | City of the Walking Dead
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| Bloodsucking zombies created by a nuclear accident take over a city.
| | City Limits
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| Youth motorcycle gangs fight what is left of Corporate America in a future where plague has killed most adults.
| | Class of Nuke 'Em High
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| Music and TV is not ruining your kids, nuclear energy is!
| | Class of Nuke 'Em High Part II: Subhumanoid Meltdown
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| Women with mouths where their bellybuttons should be, how sexy.
| | The Conqueror
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| John Wayne is...Genghis Khan.
| | Cool As Ice
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| The Vanilla Ice movie - beware.
| | The Cosmic Man
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| "The Day the Earth Stood Fidgeting."
| | Crash and Burn
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| A small group of people try to survive the assault of one murderous robot.
| | The Crawling Eye
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| Switzerland is attacked by telepathic alien creatures which must live in extreme cold and are radioactive.
| | Creatures from the Abyss
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| Mutated fish eat some people.
| | Creature from the Haunted Sea
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| Possibly the dumbest-looking monster ever.
| | The Creeping Terror
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| Possibly the slowest monster ever.
| | The Crippled Masters
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| Two Kung Fu masters, one without arms the other without legs, fight an evil warlord who has a metal hump on his back.
| | Cthulhu Mansion
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| A haunted house consumes gang members. This movie has an amazing number of mistakes.
| | The Curse of Count Chocula
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| The vampire that hates blood, but loves chocolate.
| | Cyber Ninja
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| Namco made a movie. It has lasers, samurai swords, and very little coherence.
| | Cyborg 2
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| Jack Palance: warrior, cyborg, and poet. Believe it, or not...
| | Cyborg Soldier
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| The government tries to make cyborg soldiers out of condemned criminals, with the expected results.
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| THE LETTER D |
| MOVIE NAME | RATING | SYNOPSIS | | Dagon
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| Fish incest!
| | Daimajin
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| A giant stone statue comes to life and destroys an evil samurai's army.
| | The Dark Lurking
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| It's "DOOM" down under, mate.
| | The Dark Power
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| Four ancient indian sorcerers arise from the dead and battle Lash LaRue.
| | Dark Star
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| John Carpenter's first "real" film. Ever see an alien made out of a beach ball?
| | Date With A Vampire
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| You finally find that special woman to have a one-night stand with and she turns out to be a bloodsucker.
| | Dawn of the Dead
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| The dead taking over the world really isn't funny, unless you consider zombies on escalators.
| | Day of the Animals
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| Animals become savage killers after the ozone layer is damaged.
| | Day of the Warrior
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| The busty (and often naked) ladies of L.E.T.H.A.L. defend America from a criminal with indian ancestors.
| | The Day Time Ended
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| A timewarp and special effects artists torment a family.
| | Dead Alive
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| AWESOME! A lawn mower wielding lad and a kung fu Catholic priest battle zombies!
| | Death Race 2000
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| David Carradine and Sylvester Stallone are drivers in a futuristic cross-country car race. Their goal: run over pedestrians.
| | Death Ship
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| A cursed Nazi ship and George Kennedy kill people.
| | Deathstalker
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| One of the better 80s sword and sorcery flicks, and it had plenty of nude women.
| | Delicatessen
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| Very odd French film about a building where they eat the handyman every now and then.
| | Demon Wind
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| Demons try to steal the souls from a group of people.
| | Destroy All Monsters
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| Three hundred percent more kaiju!
| | Devil Girl From Mars
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| The women of Mars are highly advanced and in need of men.
| | The Devil's Rain
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| William Shatner and Tom Skerritt must stop a satanic cult led by Ernest Borgnine and John Travolta (no, I'm not joking).
| | Disco Godfather
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| "Put your weight on it!"
| | Dolemite
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| Rudy Ray Moore is the proud pimp of one dozen kung fu hookers.
| | DOOM
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| The Rock is a space Marine who loves to scream, "Kill them all!"
| | Double Dragon
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| Two kickboxing brothers (one of which is Scott Wolf) must stop Koga Shuko from joining the parts of an ancient amulet.
| | Dragonball: The Magic Begins
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| The live action Dragonball Z movie.
| | Dr. Alien
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| Alien scientists use experimental sex drugs on a college nerd.
| | Dr. Phibes Rises Again
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| Phibes is back and this time it's no more Mr. Nice Revenant.
| | Dreamcatcher
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| Fanged, funky butt worms!
| | Drunken Wu Tang
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| Insane Kung Fu movie, Rat Face (that's his name) and Cha Le battle Devil, the Watermelon Monster, and a fat woman.
| | The Dungeonmaster
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| Computer geek versus Satan.
| | The Dunwich Horror
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| Cultist attempts to resurrect ancient gods. The real horror here is the acting.
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| THE LETTER E |
| MOVIE NAME | RATING | SYNOPSIS | | Eat and Run
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| Overweight alien visits earth, after hearing how good Italian is he tries some. To bad it's people, not the cooking.
| | The Educational Archives: Driver's Ed
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| A menagerie of short films with drunk drivers smashing into telephone poles, doomed pedestrians, and even talking cars!
| | The Educational Archives: Sex & Drugs
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| An assortment of classroom films featuring giant sanitary napkins, Italians with syphilis, and a talking hot dog.
| | Eegah!
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| Richard Kiel stars as a caveman in modern day Palm Springs.
| | El Topo
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| In the chaotic history of cult films there are several legendary movies. This bizarre story is one of them.
| | Eliminators
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| Remember that movie with the cyborg/tank?
| | Elves
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| An elf - bred by the Nazis. (This really is the plot.)
| | Endless Descent
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| An experimental submarine encounters killer seaweed and mutants galore.
| | Escape 2000
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| Prisoners at a government work camp are hunted for sport.
| | The Evil Dead
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| Evil spirits steal the souls from Ash and his camper friends.
| | Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn
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| Awesome fun! Evil spirits threaten Ash again, but this time he has an attitude and a chainsaw.
| | Evil Spawn
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| Lynn tries an experimental youth serum and turns into a monster.
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| THE LETTER F |
| MOVIE NAME | RATING | SYNOPSIS | | Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!
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| The classic story of mean girls, in fast cars, looking for danger and finding it.
| | Feast
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| Hungry beasts besiege a dusty desert bar.
| | Feeders
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| I cannot decide which I hate more: the movie or the actor's socks.
| | Fiend Without a Face
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| Canada is invaded by hopping brain monsters.
| | Fist of the North Star
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| When Ken punches people they explode...
| | Five Element Ninjas
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| Kung fu vs. ninjas. Wonderfully inventive, surprisingly bloody, and almost unbelievably fun!
| | Flash Gordon
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| Silly special effects, ludicrous acting, and Brian Blessed for crying out loud!
| | The Flesh Eaters
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| Another reason to stay out of the water.
| | Flesh Gordon 2
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| How high is your tolerance for toilet humor and breast jokes?
| | The Fly
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| If you do not at least know of this movie then you must be a space alien.
| | Flying Guillotine
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| Kung fu mayhem breaks out when the emperor trains assassins to use this deadly weapon.
| | For Your Height Only
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| The Philippines has a secret weapon you never dreamed of, a midget super spy!
| | The Forbidden Dance is Lambada
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| Dirty dancing can save the rainforest.
| | Forbidden Zone
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| When the Elfmans make a movie with Herve Villachez you know it is going to be weird.
| | Frankenhooker
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| Mad scientist rebuilds his girlfriend from prostitute spare parts.
| | Fright Show
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| Four short films in the horror and science fiction category hosted by two complete idiots.
| | Future Force
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| David Carradine is a bounty hunter whose robotic arm hates your crotch.
| | Future War
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| Time-traveling cyborgs use dinosaurs to hunt a flannel-wearing kickboxer who only speaks "Bible."
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| THE LETTER G |
| MOVIE NAME | RATING | SYNOPSIS | | Galactic Gigolo
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| An alien wins a trip to Earth. Sex with human women is included in the vacation package.
| | Galactica 1980: Series Pilot
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| The fleet finally reaches planet Earth.
| | Galaxina
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| The intergalactic patrol ship Infinity is sent to the far side of the universe to recover the BLUE STAR. "Ahhhhaaaahhhh!"
| | Galaxy of Terror
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| Where else can you see a giant maggot sucking the clothes off of a buxom blonde?
| | Gamera
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| Nuclear weapons wake up one very large and exceptionally unhappy turtle.
| | Gamera vs Gaos
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| The giant turtle tangles with the biggest vampire bat you ever did see.
| | Gamera: Guardian of the Universe
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| A fantastic giant monster movie.
| | Gamera vs Guiron
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| In space nobody can hear you make turtle soup.
| | The Garbage Pail Kids Movie
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| My viewing habits are best described as "painful," at times.
| | Getting Lucky
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| A leprechaun helps a nerd win the girl of his dreams.
| | Ghosts of Mars
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| When did John Carpenter stop making good movies, and why wasn't I informed?
| | The Giant Behemoth
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| Radioactive dinosaur menaces London.
| | The Giant Claw
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| Earth is attacked by a GIANT ANTIMATTER SPACE BUZZARD!
| | The Giant Gila Monster
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| Huge lizard attacks model railroads, model cars, model barns, and hotrodding teenagers.
| | GI Samurai
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| A small Japanese Defense Force unit is transported back in time. That descriptive phrase is cooler than the entire movie I assure you.
| | Godzilla 2000
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| Godzilla fights a flying blue nose from outer space.
| | Godzilla: Final Wars
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| Aliens attempt to conquer the Earth, but a flying battleship wakes Godzilla to protect us from the other monsters.
| | Godzilla, King of the Monsters
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| Even with the awkward insertion of Raymond Burr, the American version of "Gojira" is worth viewing.
| | Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah
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| When time travelers fool around with Godzilla's past he is none too happy, but can he destroy their super monster?
| | Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla
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| Godzilla gets a helping hand from the biggest damn Pekinese you ever saw.
| | Godzilla vs. Megaguirus
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| Gorgeous layouts and shots of Godzilla, but his opponent sucked.
| | Godzilla vs. Monster Zero
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| Godzilla must battle King Ghidrah and Devo aliens to save Earth, then he gets to "Safety Dance."
| | Godzilla vs. Mothra
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| One of the "Godzilla as a natural disaster movies." Japan's only hope is a huge moth and her egg.
| | Godzilla vs. the Smog Monster
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| Godzilla is up against Hedorah and 70's music; things look bad.
| | Godz of Wu Tang
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| Magical rocking horses, killer mimes, and brothers who look nothing alike.
| | The Gore Gore Girls
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| Somebody is killing strippers and they're being plenty inventive about it!
| | Graveyard Shift
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| An old mill is infested with rats, but something much worse lives in the basement.
| | Greaser's Palace
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| One of the strangest movies about religion you will ever see.
| | The Green Slime
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| Space Station Gamma 3 is under attack by electric jello monsters.
| | Gunhed
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| That would you do with a transformable tank that drinks whiskey?
| | Gwendoline
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| Tawny Kitaen stumbles upon a secret kingdom of female warriors who wear leather thong bikinis.
| | Gymkata
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| How many villages have a pommel horse?
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| THE LETTER J |
| MOVIE NAME | RATING | SYNOPSIS | | Jacker II
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| What would you do if you were indestructible? Steal cars, maybe?
| | Jack Frost
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| A psychopathic murderer is reincarnated as a killer snowman.
| | Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter
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| The Saviour, El Santos, vampires, and a whole lot of weirdness.
| | Journey to the Seventh Planet
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| Visitors to Uranus find that their greatest fears and desires are made flesh.
| | Jungle Hell
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| I don't understand the plot, but there were lots of elephants.
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| THE LETTER L |
| MOVIE NAME | RATING | SYNOPSIS | | The Lair of the White Worm
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| Hugh Grant takes on the depraved minions of an evil god, God save the Queen from snakes (or something like that).
| | Lake Placid
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| Bill Pullman and Bridget Fonda try to catch a fig bucking crocodile.
| | The Land that Time Forgot
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| Dinosaurs eating Germans, and Germans eating dinosaurs.
| | Lap Dancing
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| Naive farm girl takes a job stripping and learns how to be an actress...
| | Laserblast
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| Billy was always getting bullied until he found the Nerf Gun of Ultimate Destruction.
| | Last Days of Planet Earth
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| Armageddon!
| | The Last Dinosaur
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| Big game hunter goes looking for a prehistoric trophy.
| | The Last Dragon
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| Bruce Leroy is looking for the final level of kung fu: The Glow.
| | Leeches!
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| Giant leeches molest the members of a boy's swim team.
| | Legend of the Overfiend
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| This is some seriously warped tentacle hentai.
| | The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires
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| Peter Cushing, vampires, virgins, and kung fu. Now there's a plot!
| | Leprechaun
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| Jennifer Aniston learns why you should never steal the wee little people's gold.
| | Leprechaun 2
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| The little people need love too.
| | Leprechaun 3
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| The greedy Irish spirit causes trouble in Vegas.
| | Leprechaun 4: In Space
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| Interstellar rhyming carnage!
| | LEXX: I Worship His Shadow
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| A vixen who is part "cluster lizard," a talking robot head, and an undead Brunnen-G. Man, this is one weird flick.
| | The Lift
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| It's a killer elevator movie!
| | Light Years
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| "In a thousand years Gandahar was destroyed. A thousand years ago Gandahar will be saved and what can't be avoided will be."
| | Liquid Sky
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| Aliens searching for heroin on Earth find that brains taste better.
| | The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra
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| Don't try to parody something being cheap and stupid, that everyone already recognizes as being cheap and stupid, by being cheap and stupid.
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| THE LETTER M |
| MOVIE NAME | RATING | SYNOPSIS | | Maleorvs
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| High school students release an ancient Greek demon.
| | Maniac
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| Dear God, I want to get naked and strangle a manatee for mother! MOTHER!
| | The Manitou
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| Karen's big pimple turns out to be an evil Native American medicine man being reborn.
| | Manos, the Hands of Fate
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| The Master and his many wives are the servants of Manos. I think that Manos is the god of boredom.
| | Mark of the Astro-Zombies
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| Aliens use machete-wielding creations to attack the Earth.
| | Master of the Flying Guillotine
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| What is the sound of one fist punching a blind monk?
| | Masters of the Universe
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| I have the POWER!
| | Matango - Attack of the Mushroom People
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| Shipwreck survivors find an island full of aggressive portobellos.
| | Maximum Overdrive
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| Yes, the toaster wants to kill you.
| | Meet the Feebles
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| Warped movie about puppets doing drugs and having sex Probably makes Jim Henson turn over in his grave.
| | Megaforce
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| The secret to freedom is motorcycles armed with missiles.
| | Mega Piranha
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| Tiffany did it.
| | Meridian
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| Werewolf booty call.
| | Message from Space
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| The Japanese version of "Star Wars."
| | Microwave Massacre
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| A cannibal, his women, and a microwave.
| | The Midnight Hour
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| Vampires, zombies, and other monsters run rampant on Halloween.
| | Millennium
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| Time travel, plane crashes, and a character named Louise Baltimore. Oh my.
| | Missile to the Moon
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| Moon women and moon spiders and rock monsters! Oh, my!
| | Mom and Dad Save the World
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| Can Jeffrey Jones stop Jon Lovitz from destroying Earth?
| | Mongrel
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| Mad dog! Er, man...
| | Monster
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| I usually like monster movies, but this was torture.
| | The Monster that Challenged the World
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| The US Navy battles killer gastropods in the middle of a desert.
| | Monster High
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| High school students must defeat Armageddon's basketball team or the Earth will be destroyed.
| | Moon 44
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| What is so strange about a galactic (meaning outer space) mining company using convicts to pilot helicopters?
| | Mortal Kombat: Annihilation
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| Most video game movies suck, but this is worse than normal.
| | Mosquito
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| Gunnar Hanson battles huge mosquitos!
| | Motel Hell
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| "Sweeny Todd," but with beef jerky and Rory Calhoun.
| | The Mummy
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| Boris Karloff and Edward Van Sloan make this movie a classic.
| | Munchies
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| Hungry little gremlins.
| | Mutant
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| Vampires created by toxic waste who suck blood through their palms.
| | The Mutilator
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| Death by outboard motor!
| | My Demon Lover
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| Girl falls in love with a guy who tranforms into a demon when aroused.
| | My Little Pony: The Movie
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| Why do all of the ponies have tramp stamps?
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| THE LETTER P |
| MOVIE NAME | RATING | SYNOPSIS | | Parasite
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| Demi Moore fights gangs, merchants, and killer tadpoles. She probably wants to forget this movie.
| | Party Crasher
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| There is a party and some girls crash it, what that has to do with the movie is beyond me.
| | Peepers
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| I never want to see this film again.
| | Penitentiary
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| Once you get past the male rape scenes, it is a pretty good boxing movie.
| | Petey Wheatstraw: The Devil's Son-In-Law
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| Rudy Ray Moore is back at it, this time as a comedian/kung fu master who made a terrible pact with Lucifer.
| | Phase IV
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| Smart ants, smart ants, smart ants, smart ants, smart ants...
| | Pigs
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| AWFUL movie about pigs being fed human flesh.
| | The Pink Angels
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| Transvestite bikers encounter America, and it's full of PIGS.
| | Piranha
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| "Razorteeth" created by the Government (to win the Vietnam War no less) get loose and eat campers.
| | Piranha II
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| The fish are back and now they can fly!
| | The Pit
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| Psycho kid feeds people he doesn't like to monsters in a pit.
| | Planet of the Apes
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| Charlton Heston finds out what will happen if every American doesn't own a firearm.
| | Plan 9 from Outer Space
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| Aliens wish to destroy Earth before we discover a bomb which explodes sunlight.
| | Please Don't Eat My Mother
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| Henry accidentally grew a talking man-eating (potentially mother-eating) plant.
| | Poultrygeist
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| Never build a fried chicken restaurant on top of an Indian burial ground.
| | Prince of Space
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| He is so awesome, they named the movie after him.
| | Princess Warrior
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| Princess warrior: maybe. Laser swords: kinda. People driving around, and driving around, and driving around: yes.
| | Prisoners of the Lost Universe
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| Dimensional travel has never been so confusing...
| | Prophecy
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| A mutated grizzly bear slaughters people in Maine.
| | Psycho Beach Party
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| Is Chicklet a murderer or just a sick young woman?
| | Pulse
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| Evil electricity tries to kill Matthew Lawrence.
| | The Punisher
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| Be good or else he will shoot you.
| | Puppet Master
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| Animated puppets slaughter a group of psychics.
| | Puppet Master II
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| The Puppet Master needs brains and when the Puppet Master needs brains people die!
| | Puppet Master III
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| Andre Toulon was nice until the Nazis killed his wife.
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| THE LETTER Q |
| MOVIE NAME | RATING | SYNOPSIS | | Q: The Winged Serpent
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| A resurrected Aztec god terrorizes New York City.
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| THE LETTER R |
| MOVIE NAME | RATING | SYNOPSIS | | Radioactive Dreams
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| Michael Dudikoff and John Stockwell are detectives in a post nuclear world ruled by freaks and disco mutants.
| | Raiders of the Living Dead
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| A reporter is chased by zombies.
| | Raiders of Wu Tang
|
| A young student must master twenty-four bronze horses (who have powerful kung fu) to defend Shaolin.
| | Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer
|
| Ask me again how I did not go insane watching this movie.
| | Rats: Night of Terror
|
| Rats shall inherit the Earth.
| | Rebirth of Mothra
|
| A big moth, some little women, and two kids.
| | Red Sonja
|
| She dislikes men, and hates Arnold Schwarzenegger's ex-girlfriend.
| | Redneck Zombies
|
| Hicks drink moonshine contaminated with toxic waste, it turns them into people-munching undead!
| | Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins
|
| La Femme Fred Ward. And who could forget Chiun?
| | Reptilicus
|
| What happens when one giant rubber snake takes a wrong turn and ends up attacking Copenhagen vice Tokyo.
| | The Resurrected
|
| Lovecraft-inspired movies often suck. This is one of the good ones.
| | Return of the Living Dead
|
| Send more paramedics!
| | Return to Frogtown
|
| What, no Rowdy Roddy Piper?
| | Road House
|
| Patrick Swayze: philosopher, lover, bouncer.
| | Robo C.H.I.C.
|
| Arrgggghhhhhhhhh!
| | Robot Monster
|
| Earth is brought to it's knees by one horny alien in a gorilla suit.
| | Rock 'n' Roll Frankenstein
|
| Record producer and mad scientist create a rock star from the parts of Elvis, Jimi Hendrix, and - by accident - Liberace.
| | Rock n Roll Nightmare
|
| Thor! must battle Satan to save humanity, this movie is amazingly bad.
| | Rock'n With Satan
|
| The Devil offers to make two young men into good musicians.
| | The Rocky Horror Picture Show
|
| The grandma cult movie of them all. Watch as Brad and Janet fall prey to the lust of alien transvestites.
| | Rodan
|
| Two giant monsters threaten mankind's existence;a great movie from the folks at Toho.
| | Rollerball
|
| Skates, motorcycles, a heavy metal shot, and violence: tomorrow's sport?
|
|
| THE LETTER S |
| MOVIE NAME | RATING | SYNOPSIS | | Santa Claus
|
| A devil named Pitch is sent to stop Santa, but the jolly man in red has two things on his side: child labor and wacky spying devices.
| | Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
|
| Can Saint Nick overcome evil invaders from space, a robot, and Pia Zadora?
| | Saturn 3
|
| Somebody save me from old, naked Kirk Douglas - in space.
| | Sea Beast
|
| Parker Lewis goes up against an invisible fish monster.
| | Screamers (1979)
|
| A scientist creates creatures that are half fish and half man.
| | Seedpeople
|
| Extraterrestrial flowers take root in California and begin pollinating human beings.
| | Sextette
|
| Mae West, over eighty and still acting like Mae West. Ick, ick, ick...
| | Sgt Kabukiman N.Y.P.D.
|
| A New York cop accidently becomes man's only hope against evil, a Super-Kabuki!
| | The Shape of Things to Come
|
| Jack Palance stars as the evil robot overlord in a movie we fondly call "Blinky, Blinky."
| | Shark Attack 3: Megalodon
|
| How do you kill a fifty-ton shark that should be, but most emphatically is not, extinct?
| | Shark Hunter
|
| We're going to need a better movie.
| | Sheena
|
| Painted horses, killer flamingos, and Tanya Roberts.
| | Shock Treatment
|
| Brad and Janet appear on a reality TV show that threatens to commit him and corrupt her.
| | Shockwave (AI Assault)
|
| Intelligent hunter-killer robots get loose on a tropical island.
| | Silent Night, Deadly Night
|
| Punish!
| | Silent Night, Deadly Night Part II
|
| Punish again, but recap the first movie too!
| | The Sinful Nuns of Saint Valentine
|
| Also known as "Mother Superior Jumped the Other Nuns."
| | Sins of the Fleshapoids
| 
| WTF?
| | The Sisterhood
|
| Amazon women with psychic powers struggle to survive in the barren wastelands after a nuclear war.
| | Six-String Samurai
|
| After nuclear war in 1957 Elvis became king, now he has died and a brave samurai rocker must battle Death for the throne.
| | Skeeter
|
| Giant mosquitos, created by toxic waste, attack a desert town.
| | Slave Girls from Beyond Infinity
|
| This movie has one redeeming quality: female nudity.
| | Sleepstalker
|
| Evil killer returns to slay his brother, only this time he is made of sand.
| | Sleepwalkers
|
| Can your house cat protect you from incestuous, soul-sucking, feline monsters?
| | The Slime People
|
| They have invaded Los Angeles, stockpile weapons and salt!
| | Slither
|
| Freakish and funny, but what invasion by alien brain worms wouldn't be?
| | Slugs
|
| Killer slugs! Really, I mean it. Why are you laughing?
| | The Slumber Party Massacre
|
| Just once I'd like to see some boobies and not get killed for my trouble.
| | Solarbabies
|
| A glowing orb helps the members of a rollerskate team free the Earth's water.
| | Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama
|
| Teenagers (played by actors in their thirties) release a demonic imp from its bowling trophy prison.
| | Sorority House Vampires from Hell
|
| A vampiress rises from her grave. The audience suffers.
| | Soul Vengeance
|
| When a man can use his penis to strangle people the audience suffers.
| | The Sound of Horror
|
| A Spanish film about invisible dinosaurs in Greece.
| | Space Mutiny
|
| The Southern Sun is under attack by cackling megalomaniacs and "Battlestar Galactica" stock footage.
| | Spaced Invaders
|
| A truly funny alien invasion film. ZIM fanboys take note.
| | Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone
|
| Just the name makes you shiver, doesn't it?
| | Spaceship
|
| In space no one can hear Leslie Nielsen scream.
| | The Spirit
|
| I don't mind a monologue with my movie, but I do like some movie with my monologue.
| | Spookies
|
| How many silly monsters can fit into one movie?
| | Squirm
|
| A small town in Georgia is attacked by killer worms.
| | Starcrash
|
| Incredibly bad space opera. Where else could you find David Hasselhoff using a lightsaber?
| | Star Crystal
|
| An alien slime monster reads the Bible and discovers that killing people is wrong.
| | Starship
|
| Rebels fight football droids in the distant future.
| | Star Odyssey
|
| Earth is under attack by an army of androids that look like members of Lady Gaga's Dutch fan club!
| | The Star Wars Holiday Special
|
| Okay, so he did make something worse than Episode 1.
| | Stealth Fighter
|
| Satellite weapons and Ice-T flying an F-117, this movie is not what you would call "firmly rooted in reality."
| | Sting of Death
|
| Do the jellyfish. It's really swella.
| | Stop It, You're Killing Me
|
| There are more references to sleeping with a hundred and twelve year old man than can be healthy.
| | Story of Ricky
|
| AMAZINGLY GORY Kung Fu movie!
| | The Strangeness
|
| Miners get eaten by a monster that looks like a stop motion vagina.
| | Strays
|
| A pack of killer house cats is on the loose.
| | Street Fighter
|
| Now, why did I not think of casting Raul Julia as Bison?
| | Streets of Fire
|
| An incredible mix of music, violence, and dialog.
| | Street Trash
|
| Bums melt into puddles of goo after drinking contaminated whiskey.
| | Student Bodies
|
| Can teen sex survive "The Breather" and horse head bookends?
| | The Stuff
|
| Killer dessert! It takes over your body, but has 50% less fat.
| | Superman IV
|
| The "Man of Nuclear Disarmament."
| | Super Fuzz
|
| Officer Dave Speed can run as fast as a car, catch bullets with his teeth, see through walls, and talk to fish. Supah-sssuuuppaaah!
| | Super Mario Bros.
|
| Frank Booth hates plumbers.
| | The Sword and the Sorcerer
|
| That sword makes me tired just looking at it.
| | Syngenor
|
| What if Enron had created mutant monsters?
|
| |
| |
|
| THE LETTER V |
| MOVIE NAME | RATING | SYNOPSIS | | Vampire Men of the Lost Planet
|
| Three different films (one of them a Filipino caveman flick) cobbled together. Impressive, very impressive.
| | Vampyres
|
| Lesbian vampires! Well, actually I guess they're bisexual.
| | The Video Dead
|
| Zombies escape from a cursed television (the ultimate in 3-D).
| | Video Violence
|
| Why are the people of this little town so interested in gory movies?
| | Voodoo Academy
|
| Voodoo? Not really. Guys in whitie-tighties? Yes.
|
| |
|
| THE LETTER X |
| MOVIE NAME | RATING | SYNOPSIS | | The X from Outer Space
|
| There is a good reason most monster films don't have a star which looks like Guilala.
| | Xanadu
|
| Olivia Newton John, roller skates, and glowing blue people.
|
| |
|
| THE LETTER Z |
| MOVIE NAME | RATING | SYNOPSIS | | ZAAT
|
| Ahhhhh! Catfish monster!
| | Zardoz
|
| Sean Connery, everlasting hippies, and a GIANT FLYING STONE HEAD.
| | Zarkorr! The Invader
|
| Mediocre postal worker battles giant monster to save humanity.
|
|
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| THE BADMOVIES.ORG "SLIME DROP" RATING SYSTEM: |
The two main criteria are:
 A. How bad is this movie?
B. How much fun is it to watch? |
|
| Rating | And it means... |
| The pinnacle of bad movies; this is a must see! |
| Definitely worthy of a Saturday afternoon or a late night. |
| It had redeeming qualities, just like getting the clap does. |
| A bad movie. |
| This is going to hurt. |
|
3 September 2008: The rating system changed from a maximum of five slimes to a maximum of four slimes. All of the reviews were adjusted.
Remember: to be a "well rounded" bad movie viewer it is necessary to see the one or two slime movies - even a skull now and then. The Surgeon General would probably recommend that you not watch more than one skull movie per sitting. This recommendation is based on extensive research by myself. A friend of mine, by the name of Steve, developed a nervous tick from one such binge and the mention of "Johnny Mnemonic" sends him into convulsions.
(It is bad. I do not know about that bad, but maybe it just broke the horse's back.) |
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